Someone shit on the floor
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
