y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
