i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize