My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
