I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love having hate sex.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
