I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
