There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize