haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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