Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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