And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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