Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We are two peas in an std pod
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's never too late to be topless.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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