where does the pee come out of this thing
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
