i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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