i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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