Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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