so explain again why im purple
no
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
