My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
