how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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