Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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