My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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