Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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