those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My cat gives me a boner
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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