He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
