She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
