i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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