Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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