he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
