How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
