Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's shark week go big or go home
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
