He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
