We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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