she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
