Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
