I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
