New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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