What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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