2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Semen is not good for contacts.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
