No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
