Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
