feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
