I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
