You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
