I feel great
I just peed on a car
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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