my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
