Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
