You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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