No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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