Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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