Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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