I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Terrible idea I love it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
