Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is Oprah even human
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
