ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
