About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
