You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
