My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's the barista slut.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
