So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
