speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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