he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
