So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
