We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
