who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
