Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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