Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
