The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i think my cat just said my name.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
