currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize