Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
