for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
