stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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