Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
