i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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