you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
and you fell through a lawn chair
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
