i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Come on in and take your pants off
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