why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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