He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
