WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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