thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
