maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
