She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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