you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
