The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
