I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
