he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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