I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
