Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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