is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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