at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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