shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
