I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
