I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
