apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
