it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
