How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
