I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
