P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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