ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
