when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
