Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
