bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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