I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
