I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
