This is not my ceiling
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
